Fair Play: An Intense Perspective on the Female Breadwinner Trope
“Who should pay on the first date? The man or the woman?” “Depends on who asked who.” “A man should always pay on the first one.” “Women make enough money now, why can’t they pay?” No matter what side of social media you’re on, you’re bound to come across what seems to be the gender wars where each side is typing to the death about what traditional norms should stay and which should go. At the center, you’ll often see the paying on the first date debate and it’s just the tip of the iceberg about the conflict, jealousy and resentment that can float to the surface in a relationship where the woman is the breadwinner, the star even. Netflix’s Fair Play takes a deeper dive into what exactly that could possibly look like in the life of an ambitious American girl. And as expected, it’s not pretty.
We start the film in an upbeat mode. Emily and Luke, a young couple in love, living the city life, thriving in the finance space as analysts and working together to fight for the same dream - take over Wall Street. Although there’s just oneeee little dilemma - the pair have to act like they don’t know each other as their company’s policy prohibits mingling with colleagues. I can imagine that that’d be a bit awkward, thinking about how you just kissed your partner goodbye in your shared living room but can’t share more than a few covert glances across the office before others start to think there may be something going on. It’s probably just tiring in general, having to live a double life everyday - to ignore a big piece of you, the behavior you’d usually be free to display around your partner and that person as a whole too. It’s an issue for sure. But not one that can’t be managed, no? Especially for the sake of your livelihood.
Well, the real issue arises when Luke believes a rumor that he, the man of the relationship, will be promoted soon. But when it is actually his girlfriend, the supposed love of his life, that gets the move up instead, things quickly unravel. In fact, before we even get into the crazy downward spiral of events that unfolded, we can spot 4 tell tale signs, or “red flags” as the kids call them, that showed Luke really wasn’t the jolly, supportive boyfriend he was pretending to be, and never would have approved of her position (or dominance, from the way he saw it) anyway.
It Was Always One-Sided
One: From the very beginning, Luke had the stereotypical view of what his girlfriend should be and that’s a shiny, pretty thing to stand next to him and make him look cool. An object and not another human being with aspirations, thoughts and feelings of their own. Shortly after their impromptu engagement, Luke seemed just as in a rush to get married. In what could’ve been a sweet exchange during their shared morning routine, he followed up this quest with “So when can I mark my territory? Piss on my tree?”, as a big grin spread on his face. How romantic! Emily naively giggled back, likely thinking his possessiveness of her was him being happy that she was the apple of his eye, not that she was actually inferior to him, in his eyes anyway.
Two: Our female lead was gung ho about getting married! Despite her mom appearing to be one that is emotionally abusive, she still wanted to spread the great news with her anyway. Her fiance on the other hand, hadn’t told a soul. He might like having her on his arm, but he just wasn’t that serious about her, even with a ring present.
Third: Emily had barely been able to blow the dust off of her new program manager seat when Luke started to question the authority of her position. Her orders were likely no more demanding than that of any other PM he would’ve worked with, yet he gave her pushback about the tasks given to him because she was a woman. If another male had been “putting more on [his] plate”, I doubt he’d dare raise his tongue against them.
Four: When he should have been apologizing, Luke was too busy worrying about whether or not his coworker and secret soon-to-be-wife had slept her way to the top. It didn’t help that, Y2B, his firm, was the epitome of “bro culture”. He chose not to see the fact that he’d been right alongside his girl in the struggle to break into the finance world; he let the snide comments of the other misogynistic, objectifying dudes in the office get to him, and he disguised his suspicion as concern, asking if the boss had “tried anything” with her. This would have been a fine question had it been genuine; it’s not uncommon for men in high positions to offer, and often coerce, women into sexual acts in order to advance in or just simply keep their jobs.
As I write this, I can’t help but think - isn't it crazy how it’s possible that your homie and lover can be your biggest hater?!
Bliss Turned into Abuse
Emily’s promotion should have been a win for them both. It reminds me of the advice I’ve heard that you should see your partner in all emotional states before marrying them in order to know how they truly are. Happy. Sad. Surprised. Scared. Anxious. Angry. Disgusted. In this particular case, this may have been Emily’s first real time seeing when Luke doesn’t get something what he wants and also brings to light his frail masculinity. And it leads to some serious sabotage.
He can’t handle the sight of her talking and laughing with their bosses because to him, she is unjustly reaping the rewards of his hard work. Forget that she’s exceptional at what she does and was already making a name for herself before she even met him. There’s even one scene where Luke catches a glimpse of her in the background having a good laugh with the head boss in the hotel lobby during a company conference, and Luke damn near spills his coffee all over the refreshment table like he’s on the verge of a mental breakdown.
He decides to take the misery brewing inside and inflict it on Emily. He starts making her second guess her calls on trades at work. He makes her self-conscious about the clothes she wears. He diminishes her achievements by alluding to her new status being possible simply by way of being some eye candy to the boss. Another hit to her self-esteem could’ve been taken when he failed to perform for her in the midst of the chaos, when their sexual chemistry was always ablaze prior.
And what does Emily do? Oblivious of the building resentment in her new fiance, she continues being the true supportive one in the relationship. She tries to be the fixer, as many women do. Emily immediately wants to help Luke level up too and reassures him that she’ll put in a good word for him, thinking about the future they saw together of both being PMs; she just happened to make it there first. Before she even told Luke about the promotion, it looks like in the back of her mind, she knew he might be threatened by it, which would explain her hesitancy on sharing the news. She wanted to be on equal grounds with her partner, but I’m sure subconsciously she acted in ways that would still allow her to shine as long she wasn't outshining her boyfriend. I mean she was literally massaging his fragile male ego when she rubbed his shoulders in the kitchen as they talked about the hard day he had when he brutally embarrassed himself in front of the boss earlier - offering his life and begging under the up-turned nose of a man that would step over him on the street, without breaking pace, if he tripped.
Trying not only to keep her relationship together at home, despite not knowing where things went wrong, Emily is also trying to survive in a workplace culture where males are seen as the default and women as the aberration. Her position as female doesn’t allot her any room for mistakes. She can’t show “weakness”. She can’t say no to the obnoxious celebrations with the guys after every win. Drink. Party. Repeat. To continue playing with the big boys, she has to act like one.
With this in mind, one question I’d like to present you with is this: by playing into the bro lifestyle, is Emily keeping patriarchy in place or is she simply playing the game until she gets what she wants? If she is just playing the game temporarily, will any walls of patriarchy (within her specific environment) have been torn down when she reaches the final level? Is making it enough?
And what’s worse, after all the mental turmoil that he took her through and almost costing her her job, Emily’s boyfriend takes power back in the worst way possible… he rapes her. Why anyone would or even could violate another human being in such a way has never and will never make sense. There is surely someone out there that is enthusiastic and willing, my God, why force someone? But sexual violence is never about sex itself but control and dominance; it’s the most extreme and gruesome way Luke could have asserted it.
When it All Falls Down
In the end, Emily seems to be in power as the former love of her life is crying out to her on his knees, but is he really? He was only in that position to avoid any more open wounds and possibly death. She had to demand an apology and demand respect. His begging was as fake as the tears he tried to use as a front like he was sorry for his action and not himself instead. She had to demand power back from her abuser. She had to fight for the spot in a job she already had every single day without mistakes while her male counterparts had room to mess up. Why is it always up to the woman to fix everything?
She had to pull herself together and not only show up for work the next day but clean up the mess someone else made to save herself. And she had to cover a fresh bruise on top of it.
There are a lot of topics Fair Play lightly highlighted. Gender roles. Misogyny. Toxic work environments. Playing the corporate game. But the one I can’t seem to get out of my head is the idea that it is normal for a woman’s life to revolve around her man’s life and rarely the other way around. And just how easily a woman’s life can come crashing down because of one man, while countless women can spend their lives trying to take one man down.
The War Continues
Fresh Fries - my own discovery/observation:
Oddly, their romance (if it can ever be called one) begins and ends in a bathroom. Their private but delightful engagement in the bathroom during Luke’s brother’s wedding reception and the violation that occurred towards the end of their spiral, at the event that was supposed to lead them to a wedding of their own. What’s interesting to note here, is that in both cases, their families were just a few feet away and knew of nothing that was transpiring on the other side of the walls. I’m not sure if this angle was intentional by the director, but to me, it’s a subtle and smart way to touch on the fact that in most cases of abusive relationships, the victim is often isolated but yet somehow still within reach of help. The victim’s loved ones are often right there, but the abuse is usually hidden so well to the point where family often doesn’t know what’s been happening until it's too late.
As we saw with Emily, domestic violence more often than not, starts with mental attacks before physical. Emily’s boyfriend built her up in the beginning with words of encouragement as though she was her equal and presented himself as the doting boyfriend in front of family. But when things didn’t go his way, he had her questioning her own reality at work and second guessing what were usually sound decisions. He even continued this facade of the good boyfriend in front of her family for a little bit at the engagement party, after all that had taken place. Abusers get away with their crimes because they master the ability to act, gaslight and manipulate. They know how to flush out any sign of rage in their sclera and hide their freshly red palm behind their back when they open their front door to guests, as though it wasn’t just used to slap the woman on the other side. They’re good at making others feel like a dear friend to their heart, but minimize you to no more than gum stuck on the sidewalk. It takes a level of skill to successfully keep up this sick facade. If abusers were abusive or even just showed the slightest sign of abrasiveness toward everyone that they knew, well, wouldn’t that make it harder to get away with what they do? They isolate you into thinking that you’re the crazy one because no one has seen or sees the monster, the shapeshifter, that you do.
By the end of the story, Luke let the mental toil burning him up, boil over and manifest outside of his body as well. (That’s not to say that violence is the okay answer to harboring extreme emotions and anger that may be hard to deal with at all; it’s just the path that our male antagonist chose to take. ) It is, unfortunately, the destination, sometimes fatal, that many other cases of DV (Domestic Violence) end in too.
Although the battle has been going on for quite some time, Fair Play scratches the surface on the discomfort we as a society are experiencing as we dramatically shift from more conservative and traditional norms and to an era where both sexes (and those in between) are completely autonomous and free to live as they choose; that ’s not going to come without challenges. From the beginning of time and around the world, the woman’s place has always been seen as secondary to a man’s. It’s only in the last century, and really post 70’s womens’ rights movement that women have been able to affirm their place in the world, whether that be in the workplace or in the home. Either option is fine, but what’s important is that we finally have the ability to choose. Despite us being decades out from that movement, knocking down patriarchal thinking that only a man can be a provider or a hustler and that man is the ruler of woman, unfortunately, still may not come without some struggles and in the case of Fair Play (and many a time, real life), violence, in more ways than one. This all was just a modern take on what this struggle looks like in the present day.
